If your Core Values become Competing Values… you lose. Find out how to overcome competing values and use your core beliefs to drive you towards your goals.
I get A LOT of questions about Coaching. “Why do you do it?” and “How did you learn?” But the question I get the most is, “How is it that you help people?”
The easiest way to explain how I help people is to ask them, “Where are you stuck?” Usually when I ask their response is, “Oh, I’m not stuck.”
Hard Truth Warning… we are all stuck in some area of our lives. It’s not a deficiency… it’s a normal human condition. It’s perfectly normal to be treading water in some area of life at any given moment. BUT it’s not ok to stay there in the Land of Stuck
There are tons of reasons people find themselves touring the Land of Stuck. In this post, we’re going to talk about the dangers of being stuck, what causes us to get stuck, and how to get unstuck so you can accomplish your dreams.
What Causes Us To Get Stuck?
In my experience, one of the biggest causes of getting stuck is conflicting Core Values. Your Core Values are your most prominent inner beliefs that you’ve developed over a lifetime.
Your Values drive your decisions both consciously and subconsciously. Sometimes that subconscious decision making can get in our way. One Core Value competes with another. For example, a Core Value of Autonomy fights with a Core Value of Community. Or a Core Value of Orderliness competes with Adventure.
We get stuck because subconsciously we are trying to serve our deepest beliefs and we haven’t worked out how to serve them both. Our inner-self or ego is trying to keep us safe.
Let’s take a closer look…
Client Case Study
One of my clients saw a promotion she was offered as her next logical career step. She was nervous about the decision, but couldn’t pinpoint why.
She was wrestling with two competing values, Freedom and Commitment. Basically, her internal GPS app was giving her two different routes at the same time and she was making U-turns all over the place.
She loves the freedom of her Sales role and being able to create her own hours while serving customers. The work she does now supports her financial goals, so money wasn’t the issue.
She was stuck on this idea of being promoted with her company. However, this promotion also meant at least two years at the corporate office 8-5 and little freedom.
She had a lot of uncertainty around this career path, but couldn’t see why. She was smack in the Land of Stuck.
What was actually happening is she had put her decisions on auto-pilot and therefore was seeing every promotion as a success. Even if it meant not being her true self.
We sorted out her choices together and she leaned into one single direction which provided clarity and happiness for her. She also discovered that that “next promotion” she was chasing wasn’t serving her Core Value of Freedom or Commitment (to her Purpose).
With this clarity, she turned down the promotion and avoided a huge career mistake. She was later able to see that this new assignment was not growth for her at all. Now she’s happy and has moved up in the Sales rankings with this full commitment to her role.
She’s still open to new roles, but now she has a test of Core Values to compare potential career moves to.
Overcoming Conflicting Values
Learning to overcome conflicting values is a game-changer. Here’s the simple (not easy) process.
- Ask your self what you truly want
- Write it down (actually write it down – the kinetic connection is important)
- Answer: “How is my Core Value of “X” trying to serve what I really want?”
- Answer: “How is my Core Value of “Y” trying to serve what I really want?”
- You must acknowledge & validate the Core Value that is not serving what you really want. (or it will continue competing) – This sounds hokey, but it’s necessary.
- Write down one action that serves the Core Value that IS serving what you really want
Now that you know the process, where is it hard to get traction or are you facing a tough decision. Especially, if you have been putting that tough decision off for a while.
Use the process and if you still need help, send me a quick email. I respond to every single one and I’ll be glad to help however I can.
